Wednesday, 25 November 2015

I'm Back... Baby!

Yup.  It's me.

What's new, you ask?

Well, I'm not pregnant.

In fact (whisper it), I'm coming up to the LONGEST PERIOD (of time) WITH NO PREGNANCY I've had since 2009.  The most I've done so far (if you include the mini-miscarriage in 2010) is 11 months.  And Robbie is seven months old.  So far, so barren.

Just to make sure, I'm going to be making an appointment to get myself sterilised in the near future.  Which sounds absolutely horrendous and is ridiculously ironic bearing in mind Ray and I were branded infertile.  But, whilst I support a woman's right to choose to have an abortion, I know that if I were to fall pregnant again, I'd feel unable to go through with one.  And let's face it, it can't go on forever.

I mean, it can't... can it?

Despite being tempted to book myself in at the vets' along with the new kittens, I think "getting done" will involve a night in hospital.

So I'm saving it for the new year.

Well, let's face it, it's nice to have something to look forward to in 2016.

Other things have happened... stressful times have come and gone; I've finally lost that last half-stone that has hung on my hips since Lily's birth; I've been tapped on the shoulder by my old eating disorder, but managed to ignore her - always the danger with diets for me.

The boys are out of nappies, Lily has a grey tooth from head-butting Joe on the trampoline (which I always feel the need to explain to people about lest they think we have poor dental hygiene), Ray still has a bad back and I still have a dodgy thyroid.  Evie and Joe have a love-hate relationship of blanket stealing, bath-water spitting and welcome home cuddles; and I realised yesterday that every coat I own has sick on its sleeve.

The best change is that - more than before - I'm learning to live in the " now," to appreciate the fleeting moments in my children's lives that won't return, and to embrace the love and laughter as it happens without worrying about tomorrow.

Learning.  Getting there. 

The boys have started school, Lily is now five, going-on fifteen, Evie dances to the slightest hint of music and Robbie - my little newbie - is bright eyed, bushy tailed and desperate to run around with the others.

As Christmas approaches, I'm beginning to enjoy the excitement that can come with anticipation, and seeing Lily - for the first time, really - fit to burst at the thought of Santa.  I caught her whispering "I believe" to the TV after watching 'The Polar Express' - and she recently asked me whether Santa can read her thoughts...

All in all, it's been a fun few months. 

Hope you can join me for the next few!

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