Which seems like a weird title on a blog on which I decided I would always be upfront and honest. And I will be - but I'm not ready yet. I'm afraid of how you'll all react. It's a big secret.
I'm not a secretive person, which those of you who read regularly will know. I'm very open - I can't help myself. It comes from hiding my anxiety for so long and being ashamed. Now I think - take me or leave me - at least I'm 100% Gill, for better or worse.
But I'm going to keep this one to myself for a little while.
I'm just not ready.
We went to the lake today for the first time in a while. The weather's been OK, but it's always a few degrees cooler at the lake, so we've been biding our time. Today we had the dentist in our old village, so we thought we'd pop to the lake for a quick sandcastle build before we went.
We parked alongside a ditch, with a grassy bank next to it - plenty of room to safely negotiate the grass to the tarmac. However, Timmy - bless - didn't realise that the ditch was there - as it was full of leaves and a tangle of blackberry brambles that filled it up and made it look solid. Whilst I held Evie and Ray got Joe out of the car, Timmy decided to make a beeline for the beach, via the 'grass.' Head first into the brambles with only his little botty sticking in the air. Luckily he just had a few scratches, brushed himself down and 'got on with it.' He's such a strong little bunny.
And now for my secret shame. Lily was given 2 fillings at the dentist. 2 FILLINGS! And I know exactly why.
Lily has a bottle at night. That's right. She's four, and she goes to bed with a bottle of milk. I know we're meant to outlaw the bottle, but ask yourself this. If you had been sleep deprived for nearly five years and you *knew* that giving your daughter a bottle would mean she was out like a light, sucking on the teat, what would you do?
I assume it's that, collecting on her teeth and rotting them.
So it looks like it's a bottle of water or nothing. It's just another hurdle, but when you're this tired, it's so easy to put it all off...
And my secret smugness? I'm 36 (boo) and STILL have no fillings. The French dentist looked in my mouth and said: "ahh, what a rest for my eyes! I should be paying you!"
Which would have felt better if Lily hadn't had to be patched up. Naughty mummy.
Evie is now crawling and pulling herself up. I'm pretty sure she says "mummy," and definitely "daddy" - she's desperate to join in with her brothers, but this meant she hounded Timmy this afternoon in the playroom, pulling his carefully constructed railway line to bits.
Joe seems exceptionally tired at the moment, poor lad. He keeps getting into a state and not knowing what to do with himself. In the end he just lays on the floor in defeat, or grabs my hand and lets me know it's time to put him to bed.
Both the boys have started singing.
Any more news?
Oh yes, according to Lily, Father Christmas is watching her...