You know, that annoying thing you're left with once a baby is born. And with each baby, it gets worse?
No, not my flubbery behind (but thanks for noticing), nor my "twin skin" (if you don't know, don't google it), I'm talking about the side-order of GUILT that each and every new child brings.
Once you're a multiple mummy, the guilt only gets worse: should I be doing more of this? Less of this? Why can't I be more like (insert name of mum who makes it look easy)? Are the children getting too much.....? Too little....?
So many ways to FAIL, and so little time.
Take telling the children I love them/they're clever/beautiful. I am always trotting out sentences like:
"Lily you're so beautiful... AND so is Evie, and Timmy, and Joe." Or "I love you, and Evie and Timmy and Joe..." (etc)
I worry that one is feeling less loved/left out/inferior. I worry about Lily feeling less special than her younger siblings, then worry that I've over-compensated.
I worry when I crave a little "me" time (for me time, I mean cleaning time, cooking time, having a shower time, and work time (ooh, glamorous)) that I should want to be with the kids. I feel guilty when they're in bed and I breathe a sigh of relief that I can flop onto the sofa.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty. I know that the kids have a lovely life, more love than they can even imagine, and a mummy who knows how important they are. I know it's important for them to have independent play, and that it doesn't matter that sometimes they don't get 5 a day despite my efforts.
Yes, I'd like to shed the post pregnancy bulges; yes, I'd like to get my fitness up again. But at least I know how to do that - anyone got any tips from getting rid of the excess emotional weight: unwanted and the heaviest pregnancy legacy of all?